I have this strange mixture of exuberance and melancholy today, March 26, 2008 - Owen's birthday. He's one today! He has a word ("kitty"), he shakes his head no when you tell him not to do something (as if confirming), he hugs, kisses, smiles, jibber-jabbers - he is the best most wonderful addition to our lives. Keith and I kept saying to each other on the drive in this morning: our SON is ONE! He's ONE!
At this time last year, let's see...I was in bed, staring at my child, getting visited by friends and family, staring at MY CHILD OH MY GOD I HAVE A KID NOW, scarfing down food, and trying to ignore the fact that at some point in the future, I would need to have a bowel movement and nothing really scared me so much as that. But back to the adorable child: You see, I'm working today and it SUCKS because what I really should be doing is hanging out with Owen at the park, staring at him and saying over and over "You're so CUTE! You're so CUTE!" (because he really really is). [Note: Occasionally those proclamations of cuteness would be interrupted by "No no, we don't eat sand" but it would mostly be about the cuteness.]
Owen's delivery wasn't easy, but only insane women, women with 15 children, or women who had an epidural that actually worked would ever call any delivery "easy". I really started to believe I was in labor around 4pm on Sunday, March 25th. We left for the hospital around 6pm, and Owen was born at 3:28am. Somewhere in between all that I got an IV that bugged the hell out of me, a catheter that made me feel like my bladder was constantly over-full, and an epidural that was only useful in the sense that it did not increase my pain. Owen had the cord around his little (cute) neck twice, so needed to be pulled out with vacuum extraction. This meant that he had a bruise on his head (more on that in a minute) and that I had 4th degree tears and required ~20+ stitches. But who cares about stitches? He was born and he was gorgeous.
Owen's delivery wasn't easy, but only insane women, women with 15 children, or women who had an epidural that actually worked would ever call any delivery "easy". I really started to believe I was in labor around 4pm on Sunday, March 25th. We left for the hospital around 6pm, and Owen was born at 3:28am. Somewhere in between all that I got an IV that bugged the hell out of me, a catheter that made me feel like my bladder was constantly over-full, and an epidural that was only useful in the sense that it did not increase my pain. Owen had the cord around his little (cute) neck twice, so needed to be pulled out with vacuum extraction. This meant that he had a bruise on his head (more on that in a minute) and that I had 4th degree tears and required ~20+ stitches. But who cares about stitches? He was born and he was gorgeous.
When the nurse put him in my arms, I was talking to my sister on the phone and Owen just looked right up at me - he already knew my voice (of course) and we just looked at each other. He may have been thinking "Crap I'm cold" or "Wow it's really bright out here" but I like to think he was also thinking "Man, it's nice to finally meet you Mom." He was so little but felt so substantial at the time, I just could not stop looking at him, he was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.
The rest of the day is a blur. Snuggles, food, visitors, poop fears, minimal sleep. We brought him home on Wednesday afternoon, and I had a complete meltdown but I still believe that is the only normal outcome of post-partum hormones and a tiny new baby in a crib that looks like it could fit an elephant.
Owen developed severe jaundice and went back into the hospital on March 30, his aunt Erin's birthday. He was released the next day and after that (well, and one other brief hospital stint), life has been nothing but bliss. And I really do mean that.
You see, Owen brings me more joy than I could have possibly every envisioned. I think there are some things that we can't describe, some feelings that we don't have language for. My love for my baby is one of those things, and all you parents know what I'm talking about. So, my exuberance today is the joy of looking back on all the wonderful 366 days of the past year of my son's life, and looking forward to the many many years ahead of us. My melancholy is just the sadness that any parent feels in the passing of time and the realization that time only moves faster from here on out. It's also about not being with him for most of the day today.
So, today I'm just contemplating what Owen has in store for him, what kind of Mommy I want to be. I really hope that my boy has a fantastic day. I'll post pics from the birthday party as soon as I can on Sunday.
Love to all,
Owen's Mommy
The rest of the day is a blur. Snuggles, food, visitors, poop fears, minimal sleep. We brought him home on Wednesday afternoon, and I had a complete meltdown but I still believe that is the only normal outcome of post-partum hormones and a tiny new baby in a crib that looks like it could fit an elephant.
Owen developed severe jaundice and went back into the hospital on March 30, his aunt Erin's birthday. He was released the next day and after that (well, and one other brief hospital stint), life has been nothing but bliss. And I really do mean that.
You see, Owen brings me more joy than I could have possibly every envisioned. I think there are some things that we can't describe, some feelings that we don't have language for. My love for my baby is one of those things, and all you parents know what I'm talking about. So, my exuberance today is the joy of looking back on all the wonderful 366 days of the past year of my son's life, and looking forward to the many many years ahead of us. My melancholy is just the sadness that any parent feels in the passing of time and the realization that time only moves faster from here on out. It's also about not being with him for most of the day today.
So, today I'm just contemplating what Owen has in store for him, what kind of Mommy I want to be. I really hope that my boy has a fantastic day. I'll post pics from the birthday party as soon as I can on Sunday.
Love to all,
Owen's Mommy
1 comment:
Happy Birthday to the boy, and a big big big hug to his gorgeous mom. One year is a big moment for ALL of you!
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